Every Summer has a Story

I am so excited to be able to share my journey with you, and what better time to start this new journey than the first day of summer! Summer is not my favorite season, but I am choosing to enjoy this summer with the growth and positive changes it is bringing like never before! I hope you have a wonderful summer and make many memories that you will cherish for years to come!

I originally intended to make this a Father's Day post, but it didn't happen. Why? I was celebrating my dad, which was more important than making sure I posted this on a particular day. So let me tell you a little about my dad and what he has taught me.

My dad has taught me new and exciting lessons through life, even if some were learned by how NOT to do something! I can sit and listen to his stories as if I were still a little girl, with wide eyes and full of wonder as to what will happen next, even if I have heard it 100 times.

It wasn't long ago that I found myself talking to my dad about core values and realizing I'm not sure I truly understand what a "core value" is or what mine were. It sparked a lot of curiosity in me!

I am a research guru for those who may not know me! I question everything to learn the facts, how it was started, what something is, etc. So, naturally, I began researching core values and their meanings. The results surprised me! I found that many people genuinely don't understand what a core value is or what theirs are. As I researched more, I saw people saying their core values were personality traits or emotions. Values I had also written down for myself made me who I am through my personality and not my values.

Some of you may be sitting there, wondering, "what's wrong with this woman? Who doesn't know what a core value is?" And some may be sitting there, asking themselves the same thing I asked. 'Do I know what my values are? Have they changed? Have I lowered my standards to the point that I accept anything?' Or you may be wondering, is she going to tell us what a core value is or give us some examples? Of course! What kind of researcher would I be if I didn't share my findings?

Core values are your fundamental beliefs and a guiding principle for the decisions we make in our lives.

Simple enough, right? Sure, but who teaches us these values? Many people do. It may be your parents, grandparents, a teacher, pastor, friend, employer, boss, or any number of other people. So the next question is, 'was I taught, right?" Here are some examples of positive core values.

Balance: to offset or compare the value of one thing with another. Example: Work-Life Balance

Caring: displaying kindness and concern for others, making yourself available and flexible to their needs. 

Compassion: love in action

Community: a feeling of fellowship with others

Courage: to be brave; to persist in the face of fear, threat, or difficulty

Encouragement: to give support, confidence, and hope, generally with words

Faith: complete trust with or without proof

Family: a close-knit unit of people who are always there for you, generally established by blood relation

Forgiveness: to release anger and resentment toward yourself or others for a flaw, mistake, or offense

Freedom: the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without harm done to others

Generosity: to share and give of yourself liberally

Gratitude: thankfulness 

Honesty: sincere and transparent

Humility: to be modest, to not think higher of yourself than you ought (Romans 12:3)

Humor: to see and appreciate the humorous side of life

Independence: the ability to take care of yourself - not relying on aid and assistance from others

Justice: to uphold just treatment or behavior, a concern for genuine respect and peace for people

Kindness: to be considerate, nurturing, and caring

Love: John 15:13, 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Order: to be orderly and organized

Patience: not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting

Persistence: to set my face like flint, determination

Respect: to honor highly with great esteem

Responsibility: taking authority, using leadership to act for the people and things that are rightfully yours

Safety: being protected from danger, risk, or injury. Peaceful well-being, secure

Self-care: to look after my health and well-being physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Self-control: the ability to control yourself, particularly your emotions, especially in stressful situations

Trust: to have confidence in one's loyalty, faithfulness, sincerity, and reliability

These are just some core values in life. Did you know it took me days to grasp the understanding and meaning behind these words? When you stop and think about any of these "words" that describe a true core value, you realize how important they are. So take the time today and ask yourself, what does "core value" mean to me?

I will give you an example; while researching, intimacy emerged as a core value. What's your first thought when you think about being intimate with someone? I'll let you think for a moment.

I hear the word intimate, and I think of a physical relationship. However, when I stopped and looked at its definition, it had little to do with sex or a physical connection. Now, can it relate to that? Of course. However, a physical relationship can be had with no intimacy and, sadly, often is.

When I looked up the word intimacy, I was surprised to see it meant something much more profound. Intimacy, according to the dictionary, means "close familiarity or friendship." Synonyms to describe intimacy included rapport, warmth, understanding, togetherness, and confidentiality. To have an intimate relationship with someone goes way beyond sex and physical touch. You can have an intimate relationship with someone and have never had sex or the desire for a physical connection. Intercourse was the LAST description of intimacy.

Intimacy seems so simple, yet I believe this is part of what causes so many issues in "relationships." People "understand" intimacy to be something it's not. You may think, "but I had sex with the said person; I know them intimately now." Do you know their dreams, goals, fears, or the deepest parts of their hearts? No? Then you do not understand that person on an intimate level; you merely know them on a physical level.

We are so desensitized to sex that we've accepted it to be commonplace and are told we don't need to think twice about sleeping with someone we just met and don't know as long as we're "being safe." Honestly, is this a healthy decision? No, not only are we subjecting our bodies to God knows what, but we are also subjecting our mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Is that worth it for instant gratification, which could likely bring long-term consequences?

I once thought so. I am not writing this from the point of no experience. I made the mistake of looking for happiness in others, which often came in the form of a physical relationship. I had such a void in my heart for many years. I tried filling it with drinking, working, men, parties, etc. I may have forgotten for the moment how much I was lost and hurting inside, but it didn't take long for it to all come back again. So, I drank more, worked more, found more men, etc. Nothing was helping, and I was becoming unhappier by the minute.

It may sound cliché, but I honestly didn't find peace until I came to the end of myself and said, "God, I can't do this anymore! Where are you?!" The best thing about God is that He is always there! He's just waiting for us to surrender our lives to him. Did everything change overnight? Did I never have a craving for the things I once used to fill the void? Nope. It was one of the greatest struggles I have gone through, but by God's grace, love, and favor, I am the person I am today. Am I done growing? Nope! God has been doing some of his best work just this last year or so. It's been uncomfortable, painful, humbling, and above all, worth it!

I am starting new journeys, pursuing new goals, and doing whatever it takes to become the best version of myself! With God's help, determination, a great support system, and my son cheering me on, I know I will accomplish the things I have set out to do! So please, join me on this beautiful journey called life. Together we can achieve great things!!